關於關係的謊言Lies about Relationship

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Lies about Relationship

关 于關係 的 一 些 谎 言

We were created for relationship.

我们是为关系而创造的。

When you read the stories of creation in Genesis 1-2, what you discover is that God created humanity wired for relationships – relationship vertically with Himself, and relationships horizontally with one another, in marriage, in families, in friendships, in community.

当你阅读创世记 1-2 中的创造故事时，你会发现上帝创造人类是为了关系--纵向与他自 己的关系，横向与彼此的关系，在婚姻、家庭、友谊和社区中。

So it’s no surprise when we think about this series and the lies that can deceive us, that many of the lies we believe centre on our relationships with God and with each other.

因此，当我们思考这个系列和可能欺骗我们的谎言时，我们相信的许多谎言集中在我 们与神和彼此之间的关系上，这并不奇怪。

So last Sunday, Harrison walked us through three common lies that we can believe about God; and today, I want to zero in on three common lies we can believe about our human relationships with each other. And want to think particularly about close relationships – marriage, dating and romantic relationships, close friendships.

因此，上周日，哈里森带领我们了解了我们可能相信的关于上帝的三个常见的谎言； 今天，我想把重点放在我们可能相信的关于我们人类相互关系的三个常见的谎言上。我想特别 考虑亲密关系--婚姻、约会和浪漫关系、亲密的友谊。

And these three bar stools are here today to represent these lies.

今天，这三张凳子在这里代表这些谎言。

Lie #1 – If you were “the one” then I’d be happy

谎言 1--如果你是 "那个唯一"，我就会幸福

This lie is generally used more in marriages and romantic relationships, but a version of it can even be expressed in friendships. Generally I’ve heard it expressed when relationships are breaking down.

这个谎言一般多用于婚姻和浪漫关系中，但它的一个版本甚至可以在友谊中表达。一 般来说，我在关系破裂时听到过这种说法。

A couple have been dating, and one of them decides to end it, and throws this line at their boyfriend or girlfriend. Or a marriage is disintegrating, and a husband or wife throws out the line at their spouse –

“If you were “the one” then I’d be happy.”

一对夫妇一直在约会，其中一人决定结束它，并向他们的男朋友或女朋友抛出这句 话。或者婚姻正在瓦解，丈夫或妻子向他们的配偶抛出这句话--

“如果你是 "真命天子"，我就会幸福。”

Which basically means, “I’m not happy, and the main reason that I’m not happy is that you’re obviously not ‘the one’ for me.”

这基本上意味着，"我不快乐，而我不快乐的主要原因是，你显然不是我的‘真命天 子’。"

I would suggest that behind many of the lies that we’re tempted to believe – many of the lies we’re looking at in this series, about God, about ourselves, about life, and about our relationships – behind many of these lies are some deeper lies, some deeper deceptions.

Behind this lie are two larger deceptions:

我想说的是，在我们被诱惑相信的许多谎言背后--我们在这个系列中所看到的许多谎 言，关于上帝、关于我们自己、关于生活、关于我们的关系--在许多这些谎言背后是一些更深 的谎言，一些更深的欺骗。

这个谎言的背后是两个更大的欺骗

1. The Happiness Lie. Obviously, all of us want to be happy in life, and that’s a good thing, but we need to very careful about both where we look for happiness, and how we measure our happiness. See, often what we do is make our feelings at some point, the main measure of whether something is good or not.

1. 幸福的谎言。显然，我们所有人都想在生活中获得幸福，这是件好事，但我们需要非常小心地对待我们在哪里寻找幸福，以及我们如何衡量我们的幸福。你看，我们所做的往往是在某些时候把我们的感受作为衡量一件事是否好的主要标准。

So I would argue in a dating relationship, simply breaking that off because you’re not “happy” isn’t particularly wise. Breaking it off might be the right call, because it’s become clear that this isn’t the person that you want to marry. So that could be a very good call. But it shouldn’t simply be about feeling happy – there’s better criteria or things to measure than that. For example,

因此，我认为在约会关系中，仅仅因为你不 "快乐 "而中断约会并不是特别明智的。断绝关系可能是正确的决定，因为已经很清楚这不是你想结婚的人。所以这可能是一个非常好的决定。但它不应该仅仅是感觉幸福--有比这更好的标准或东西来衡量。比如说.....

Convictions / Character / Companionship / Compatibility / Community / Chemistry

信仰/性格/伴侣/兼容性（契合度）/社区/感情中的化学反应（热情）

- Does this person share my convictions about Jesus, or is their faith not as key as it is for me?

- Do they display good character, or do I have some concerns about some areas?

- Is there a growing sense of companionship and friendship?

- Is there a sense of compatibility – that our personalities and backgrounds etc work well together?

- Is my community of family and close friends excited, or do they have concerns?

- Is there a chemistry, a mutual attraction, that’s there?

- 这个人是否与我共享对耶稣的信仰，或者信仰对他们来说并不如对我来说那么关键？

- 他们是否表现出良好的品格，或者我对他们的某些方面有所担忧？

- （我们之间）是否有一种日益增长的伴侣关系和友谊的感觉？

- （我们的感情）是否契合--我们的个性和背景等能很好地结合在一起？

- （对于我们对感情）我的家人和亲密的朋友是否感到开心/祝福，或者他们是否有担忧？

- （我们之间）是否有一种化学反应，一种相互吸引，是存在的？

And if you’re married and feeling unhappy, that’s not a reason to pull away from your spouse. It’s a sign that you need to pull together. Marriage is a commitment to each other, and it’s a team sport. It’s not about ‘me’; it’s about ‘we’. And in my marriage with Rochelle, if either one of us are feeling unhappy, ‘we’ need to pull together and work out why one or both of us are feeling like that, and then we need to work on it together.

如果你已经结婚并感到不快乐，这并不是离开你配偶的理由。这是一个迹象，表明你 们需要一起努力。婚姻是对彼此的承诺，它是一项团队运动。它不是关于 "我"；它是关于 "我 们"。在我和罗谢尔的婚姻中，如果我们中的任何一个人感到不快乐，"我们 "需要团结起来， 找出我们中的一个或两个人有这种感觉的原因，然后我们需要一起努力解决它。

Lie #1 – If you were “the one” then I’d be happy

谎言 1--如果你是 "那个唯一"，我就会幸福

The other deception behind this lie is what I call:

这个谎言背后的另一个欺骗，是我所称之为：

2. The ‘Soul Mate’ Lie. This is the idea that there is a ‘soul mate’ out there for everyone one of us.

“灵魂伴侣”的谎言。这是一种观念，认为每个人都有一个灵魂伴侣存在。

And I know it sounds lovely and romantic and beautiful – but its sentimental garbage.

“灵魂伴侣”的谎言。这是一种观念，认为每个人都有一个灵魂伴侣存在。

Now I don’t mean that if you’re married, that it’s wrong to think about or describe your spouse as your ‘soul mate.’ That’s great; that’s lovely. It’s a beautiful way of capturing the closeness and intimacy that is meant to be the hallmark of every marriage.

我不是说，如果你结婚了，就不应该把你的配偶看作是你的“灵魂伴侣”。那很可爱， 那很美好。这是一种美丽的方式，来表达每个婚姻都应该具备的亲密感

But there’s an idea out there in our sentimental world that our ‘soul mate’ is this one person out there somewhere that fate has for you. That there is ‘the one,’ and that’s the person you need to find. See, that’s what’s behind this lie – you’re obviously not ‘the one.’ I need to go and find ‘the one.’

但是在我们感性的世界中，有一种观念认为，我们的“灵魂伴侣”就是那个在某个地方 等待我们的人。有“那个人”，那就是你需要寻找的人。你看，这就是这个谎言背后的本质—— 你显然不是“那个人”。我需要去寻找“那个人”。

Where did that come from? Well actually, that came from Greek mythology. Some Greek thinkers and philosophers believed that humans were originally created with 4 arms, 4 legs, and a head with 2 faces. And fearing the power of humanity, Zeus split the humans into two halves. And now human beings wander the planet, searching for their other half.

这个观念从哪里来的呢？实际上，它来自于希腊神话。一些希腊的思想家和哲学家认 为，人类最初被创造为有 4 只手、4 只脚和一个拥有 2 张脸的头部。由于害怕人类的力量，宙 斯将人类分成了两半。现在，人类漫游在地球上，寻找他们的另一半。

That’s ‘the one’ – the person who completes you, the person you were originally one person with before Zeus messed up your life.

So the Greek writer Aristophanes wrote,

那就是“那个人”——能够补全你、在宙斯毁掉你生活之前，本来是与你合二为一的那 个人。

因此，希腊作家亚里士多芬写道：

Love is born into every human being; it calls back the halves of our original nature together ... Each of us, then, is a ‘matching half’ of a human whole … and each of us is always seeking the half that matches him. Aristophanes

爱诞生于每一个人的内心，它将我们原始契合的两半召回......每一个人都是一 个人类整体的'配对的一半'......而我们每个人都一直在寻找与自己相匹配的那半个。— —亚里士多

So if you’re married, and you’ve ever called your spouse, “the other half,” you’re buying into this Greek mythology.

因此，如果你已经结婚，并曾称呼你的配偶为"另一半"，那么你也相信这个希腊神 话。

The fact is that we’re not simply one half of a human, desperately looking for our other half; our ‘soul mate.’ Instead, each of us are complete human beings in and of ourselves. We are created for relationships with God and other people, but we’re not incomplete unless we’re married or in a romantic relationship. Honestly, that’s simply a pagan idea.

事实上，我们并不是一个人的一半，由此拼命寻找我们的另一半或者所谓的“灵魂伴 侣”。我们每个人本身就是一个完整的人类。我们被创造出来是为了与上帝和其他人建立关 系，但没有结婚或处于一段浪漫的关系中，并不代表我们是一个不完整的人。说实话，这只是 一个异教的观念。

It seems from the gospels that Jesus never married. And since dating was not part of Jewish culture in his day, Jesus probably never had a girlfriend. But Jesus was the most complete, the most ‘whole’ human being that has ever lived.

从福音书来看，耶稣从未结婚。因为在当时，约会不是犹太文化的一部分，耶稣可能 从未有过女朋友。但耶稣是有史以来最完全、最完整的人。

Rather than teaching that there is one person out there for you, your ‘soul mate,’ your ‘other half,’ the Bible actually teaches that you are free to marry whomever you choose. The one stipulation that Scripture has is that that person needs to be a follower of Jesus; they need to share your faith.

So in 1 Cor 7, Paul wrote,

圣经实际上并没有教导你要寻找你的“灵魂伴侣”，“另一半”等观念，而是教导你可以自 由地选择要嫁给谁。唯一的要求是他们需要是耶稣的追随者，他们需要和你共享你的信仰。

所以在哥林多前书 7 章中，保罗写道：

A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. 1 Corinthians 7:39

丈夫活着的时候，妻子是被约束的。丈夫若死了，妻子就可以自由，随意再 嫁，只是要嫁这在主里面的人。哥林多前书 7:3

So there is no missing half, ‘the one’ that you need to track down. You don’t mystically find your ‘soul mate’ and complete each other; you wisely choose a sole mate, and commit to each other.

因此，没有失踪的“另一半”，或你需要寻找的“那个人”。你不会奇迹般找到你的‘灵魂 伴侣’并使对方完整；你明智地选择一个唯一的伴侣，并承诺给对方。

So that’s lie #1, and in a sense, that lie was brought to you by the number 1.

所以这就是谎言 1，在某种意义上，这个谎言是由数字‘1’（‘那个唯一’）导致的。

This next lie is brought to you by the number 50:

下一个谎言是由数字‘50’带给你的

Lie #2 – Relationships should be 50:50

谎言 2 —— 感情关系应该是 50：5

Now at one level, that statement sounds entirely correct. If you take that to mean that healthy relationships and mutual and both people are putting in relatively effort to make the relationship work, then that’s fine.

现在在某种层面上来讲，这种说法听起来完全正确。如果你认为这意味着健康和相互 的关系，而且两个人都付出了相对的努力来使关系运作，那么这很好

I mean, if you were in a friendship, and you were always the person who suggested catching up;

you initiated conversations and always about them without them ever asking about you; if you always paid everything, from cups of coffee to movie tickets, then that’s dysfunctional, isn’t it?

我的意思是，如果你在一段友谊中，而你总是那个提出“有空出来聚一聚/聊聊天”的人 （你总是那个是主动维系友谊的一方）；

你主动与他们交谈，并且总是围绕着他们谈论，而 他们从来没有问起过你；如果你总是支付一切，从一杯咖啡到电影票，那么这段友谊就是无法 运转的，不是吗

And if in a marriage, if I never made any effort, and Rochelle did all the work, all the caring, all the encouraging, all the chores, all the loving – that would be utterly unhealthy.

而如果在婚姻中，如果我从来没有做过任何努力，而罗谢尔做了所有的工作：所有的 关怀，所有的鼓励，所有的家务，所有的爱--那将是完全不健康的。 最好的人际关系是两个人都相互关心和爱护的关系。保罗在《以弗所书》5:21 中写

The best human relationships are the ones where both people are mutually caring for and loving each other. Paul wrote in Ephesians 5:21,

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Ephesians 5:21

出于对基督的敬畏，你们当彼此顺服。以弗所书 5:21

This is the last line of a list that Paul gives in Eph 5, following his command to be continually filled with the Holy Spirit. And this list describe different things we will do if we’re Spirit-filled – we’ll sing and make music, we’ll teach and encourage each other, we’ll be thankful.

这是保罗在以弗所书第五章给出的一系列指令的最后一条，这些指令紧随他对于“不断 被圣灵充满”的命令。这个列表描述了如果我们被圣灵充满，我们将会做不同的事情——我们 会唱歌、做音乐、教导、鼓励、感恩。

And the final line says we’ll submit to each other in our human relationships. And that then leads into Paul’s descriptions about relationships between husbands and wives, and masters and slaves, and parents and children.

最后一条指令是说，我们在所有人际关系中，都要将自己的姿态降低、彼此顺服。这 进一步引导了保罗关于夫妻、主人与奴仆、父母与子女之间关系的描述。

The idea is that in all of our human relationships, we will take the submissive place. In other words, we will lower ourselves and seek to serve others – spouses, employers, kids, friends. In the words of Philippians 2 (which we’re going to study together in a couple of months), this is what we’re to do:

这是在教导我们，在所有的人际关系中，我们要扮演服侍的角色。换句话说，我们要 降低自己的姿态，寻求为他人服务——配偶、雇主、孩子、朋友。用腓立比书第二章的话来说 （我们将在几个月后再一起研究这章）

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. Philippians 2:3-4

不可行己私或好高骛迹，只管存心谦卑，看别人比自己强。各人不要单顾自 己的事，也要顾别人的事。腓立比书 2:3-4

And this is the problem I have with this second lie.

这就是我认为这第二个谎言的问题所在。

Lie #2 – Relationships should be 50:50

谎言 2 —— 感情关系应该是 50：5

When we talk about a 50:50 relationship – whether that’s marriage; whether that’s a friendship – often what happens is that the focus moves onto how much effort each person is putting in. It’s certainly true that a healthy relationship is mutual.

But here’s the thing – a healthy relationship needs 100% effort from each person.

当我们谈到一个 50:50 的关系时，无论是婚姻关系还是友谊关系，往往会把重点放在每 个人付出的努力程度上。当然，健康的关系是互惠的。

但是这里有个问题——健康的关系需要每个人都付出 100%的努力。

See, when we talk about a relationship being 50:50, what so easily happens is that we begin to compare the effort we put in with what our friend or spouse puts in. We begin to focus on each other’s performance, and whether they are doing as much as we are.

当我们谈论关系是 50:50 时，很容易就会开始比较自己和朋友或配偶所付出的努力。我 们开始关注彼此的表现，以及他们是否和我们一样努力。

- So we notice in our flat how often we’re the ones cleaning up the kitchen. We start to get annoyed because that flatmate never does it.

- Or we focus on how often we send a text to initiate coffee with a friend, and they never do.

- Or we feel like we’re always the one initiating a conversation about growing our marriage, and our souse never seems to pull their weight.

- 我们会注意到我们的室友很少清理厨房，我们开始感到烦恼。

- 或者我们会关注我们多久发送一条短信来邀请朋友喝咖啡，而他们从未主动邀请过我们。

- 或者我们感觉自己总是在为我们的婚姻增加沟通的次数，而我们的配偶似乎从来没有努力。

The sad truth is, most of us have the tendency to exaggerate our efforts and what we do; and we diminish the efforts or work of others. It’s just natural. It’s pretty normal to focus on the weaknesses of our friend, or family members, or spouse.

But the huge problem with that, is that our love for them can then become conditional on their performance, on whether they are measuring up in our minds, to what we think they should be doing.

可悲的真相是，我们大多数人都有夸大自己的努力和付出的倾向，而忽视别人的付出或工作。这是很自然的。我们通常会关注我们的朋友、家人或配偶的弱点。

但这样做的巨大问题是，我们对他们的爱就会变成有条件的，取决于他们的表现，取决于他们在我们看来是否达到了我们认为应该做的事情

But real love is unconditional. God doesn’t love us if we measure up; if we’re pulling our weight; if we are being obedient and doing the right things. Instead, God loved us when we were unlovable; God loved us when we were far from Him.

但真正的爱是无条件的。上帝不是因为我们达到了标准，不是因为我们在尽自己的努 力，不是因为我们服从并做了正确的事情而爱我们。相反，上帝在我们远离祂的时候也照样爱 我们，爱我们这些不可爱的人。

This is love:

not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. 1 John 4:10

這是愛的本質

不是我们爱 神，乃是 神爱我们，差他的儿子，为我们的罪作了挽回祭，这 就是爱了。约翰一书 4:1

So healthy relationships are mutual, but they’re not 50:50. Healthy relationships are 100:100, where each person is working hard to love the other, and serve the other, and care for the other. .

因此，健康的关系是相互的，但它们不是 50：50。健康的关系是 100：100，每个人都 在努力爱对方，服务对方，关心对方。

So lie #1 is about the number 1 and lie #2 is about the number 50. Lies #3, then, is based on zero.

所以谎言 1 是关于数字 1，谎言 2 是关于数字 50。那么，谎言 3 是基于零。

Lie #3 – I need to keep the peace at all costs

谎言 3——我需要不惜一切代价保持

In other words, conflict should be keep to zero.

Now, again, at one level this has a measure of truth to it. Christians are called to pursue unity and peace. We’re commanded to avoid unnecessary conflict. We’re told to stay away from foolish arguments. Eg.

换句话说，冲突应该保持为零。

现在，同样，在一个层面上，这有一定程度的真理。基督徒被要求追求团结与和平。 我们被命令要避免不必要的冲突。我们被告知要远离愚蠢的争论。例如

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. Ephesians 4:2-3

凡事谦虚、 温柔、 忍耐， 用爱心互相宽容， 用和平彼此联络， 竭力保守 圣灵所赐合而为一的心。以弗所书 4:2-3

Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. 2 Timothy 2:23-24

唯有那愚拙无学问的辩论，总要弃绝，因为知道这等事是起争竞的。然而 主的仆人不可争竞，只要温温和和地待众人，善于教导，存心忍耐。提摩太后书 2:23- 2

What that doesn’t mean, however, is that we can never disagree about anything, or that we have to avoid all conflict, all the time. The truth is that in relationships, in friendships, in workplaces, in marriages, we often have different ideas and different ways of seeing things. We may have different answers to the problems in front of us, and we may even define those problems differently.

然而，这并不意味着我们永远不能对任何事情持不同意见，或者我们必须一直避免所 有的冲突。事实是，在人际关系中，在友谊中，在工作场所中，在婚姻中，我们常常有不同的 想法和看待事物的不同方式。对于摆在我们面前的问题，我们可能有不同的答案，我们甚至可 能以不同的方式定义这些问题。

And it’s not a bad thing to disagree – it’s bad when we’re disagreeable.

Author Larry Crabb once wrote,

持不同意见并不是一件坏事——固执己见才是坏事。

作家拉里-克拉布曾经写道

The difference between spiritual and unspiritual community is not whether conflict exists, but it is rather in our attitude towards it and our approach to handling it. Larry Crabb

属灵社区和非属灵社区的区别不在于冲突是否存在，而在于我们对冲突的 态度和处理冲突的方法。拉里-克拉布

I had to learn this in the early years of our marriage. Someone has said that when it comes to disagreements, people instinctively resort to one of two wrong responses – either fight or flight.

在我们婚姻的早期，我不得不学习这一点。有人说，当涉及到分歧时，人们会本能地 采取两种错误的反应之一：要么战斗，要么逃跑。

- Those who fight put on the boxing gloves, ‘cos their natural instinct is to get stuck into an argument until they’ve own.

- Those who resort to flight tie on their running shoes and take off; they’d rather run away that engage in conflict. That 2nd response is mine – my natural tendency, particularly early in marriage, was to run.

But instead of strapping on the boxing gloves or the running shoes, Scripture encourages us to engage in honest conversation. That means choosing our words carefully.

那些选择战斗的人戴上拳击手套，因为他们本能地想要陷入争论中直到自己获得胜利。

- 那些选择逃跑的人系上跑鞋，逃之夭夭，宁愿逃避冲突。第二种反应是我的本能倾向，尤其是在婚姻早期，我更倾向于逃避。

但与其戴上拳击手套或穿上跑鞋，圣经鼓励我们进行坦诚的交谈。这意味着要仔细选择我们的措辞。

Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18

莽撞的话如同刀剑刺入人心，智慧人的舌头却能带来医治。箴言 12:18

That means listening well to really hear the point of view of the other person.

这意味着我们需要认真倾听，真正理解对方的观点

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. James 1:19

我亲爱的弟兄们，你们每一个人都该快快地听，慢慢地说，慢慢地发怒。 雅各书 1:19

That means extending grace and believing the best about someone.

这意味着我们要以恩慈的心态，相信别人是善意的。

Love is patient, love is kind… It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13:4,7

爱是恒久忍耐，又有恩慈。……凡事包容，凡事相信，凡事盼望，凡事忍 耐。哥林多前书 13:4,7

And that means when there’s an issue, talking directly with the person.

这意味着当有问题出现时，要直接与当事人交谈。

If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. Matthew 18:15

倘若你的弟兄得罪你，你就去，趁着只有他和你在一处的时候，指出他的 错来。他若听你，你便得了你的弟兄。马太福音 18:15

As followers of Jesus we are called to live at peace and pursue with one another, but not at all costs. Often in life, conflict and disagreements happen, and our job is not to avoid that.

Our job is to be like Jesus in the midst of that.

作为耶稣的追随者，我们被呼召要与彼此和平相处和追求，但不是不惜一切代价。在 生活中，常常会发生冲突和分歧，

我们的任务不是避免它们，而是在其中成为像耶稣一样的 人。

So 3 lies – if you were the one, I’d be happy // relationships need to be 50:50 // I need to keep the peace and avoid conflict at all costs.

I wonder, which of these three lies are you more likely to embrace? Which of these stools are you most likely to sit on? Or which one are you sitting on right now?

所以说有 3 个谎言： 如果你是“那个唯一”，我才会幸福； 关系需要是 50：50； 我需要不惜一切代价保持和平和避免冲突。

我想知道，你更容易接受这三个谎言中的哪一个？你最可能坐在哪个凳子上？或者你 现在正坐在哪个凳子上

As we finish today, I want to step back from all three lies, and speak to what I think is the bigger issue.

I said at the start that we are created for relationships; we were made by God for community.

We were made for a vertical relationship with God, and horizontal relationships with others.

在结束今天的讲座时，我想放下这三个谎言，来探讨我认为更重要的问题。我在一开 始就说过，我们是为了关系而被创造的；我们是由神创造为社群而生的。我们是为了与神有垂 直的关系和与他人有水平的关系而生

I think where our problem comes with almost all lies about relationships with each other – I think the problem is that we mess up those two dimensions – we confuse the vertical with the horizontal.

我认为我们几乎所有关于人与人关系的谎言的问题都出在我们混淆了这两个维度—— 我们混淆了垂直和水平的关系。

In see, in our heart of hearts is this deep desire to be known and loved.

And often in life, we look to these relationships with other people – the horizontal relationships – to find the unconditional, never-ending love that we’re created for. But the problem is that no human being is fully capable to giving that love. Your friends, your spouse, your kids, your soul mate – no human being is able to fully meet our deepest need to be loved.

One writer puts it this way:

在我们的内心深处，有一种渴望被认识和被爱的感觉。在生活中，我们常常寻求与他 人的关系，以寻找那个我们被创造时，为之而来的无条件的永恒之爱。但问题是，没有一个人 完全有能力给予这样的爱。无论是你的朋友、配偶、孩子还是灵魂伴侣，没有一个人能够完全 满足我们最深的被爱需求。

有一位作家这样写道：

The failure of romantic love as a solution to human problems is so much a part of modern man’s frustration … No human relationship can bear the burden of godhood. Ernest Becker

浪漫的爱情作为人类问题的解决方案的失败，是现代人沮丧的一部分......没 有任何人类关系能够承担起神的负担。

欧内斯特-贝克尔

In other words, our deepest need to be loved can only be met by God.

And when we mess up our vertical and horizontal relationships – when we look to other finite beings for the infinite love that we crave – we believe all kinds of lies because our expectations haven’t been met.

So this is the key idea I want to leave you with today:

换句话说，我们被爱的最深层需要只能由上帝来满足。

而当我们搞砸了我们的垂直和水平关系——当我们向其他有限的生命寻求我们所渴望 的无限的爱——我们会相信各种谎言，因为我们的期望没有得到满足。

所以这是我今天要留给你们的信息主旨：

Lessen the weight of expectations on others, and strengthen our grasp on the love of God

减少对他人期望的重量，加强我们对上帝之爱的把握

See, part of why we buy the myth of the one; part of reason we measure how much effort others are putting; part of the reason we avoid conflict and frantically try and keep the peace – is because we’re looking to others for the love we crave.

But that’s the love God has already given to us in Jesus.

看，部分我们相信謊言“ 唯一”的原因；部分我们衡量别人付出多少努力的原因；部分我们 避免冲突和疯狂地试图保持和平的原因——是因为我们在向他人寻求我们渴望的爱。

但那是神在耶稣里已经给了我们的爱。

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! 1 John 3:1

你看父赐给我们是何等的慈爱，使我们得称为神的儿女，我们也真是他的 儿女！世人所以不认识我们，是因未曾认识他。 约翰一书 3:1

Lessen the weight of expectations on others, and strengthen our grasp on the love of God

减少对他人期望的重量，加强我们对上帝之爱的把握

Let’s pray.

我们一起祷告。