关系和煦
Kia ora Gracecity.
恩典城市教会的弟兄姐妹们平安
This last Thursday, we attended the funeral of a good friend. Margaret was just few years older than us;we’ve both known her for more than 30 years; I was even present at her wedding to Miles. Margaret was crazy, caring, fun, zany, compassionate. She and Miles have been great friends thru years.
上周四，我们参加了一位好朋友的葬礼。玛格丽特只比我们大几岁。我们都认识她 30 多年了；我甚至出席了她与迈尔斯的婚礼。玛格丽特是非常热情的、有爱心的、有趣的、幽默的、富有同情心的。多年来，她和迈尔斯一直是我们的好朋友。
Friendships in life are key; we were created for community; we are made for relationships.
生活中的友谊是非常关键的；我们是为社区而创造的出来的；我们是为关系和煦而生的。
This is why relational wellbeing is a key aspect of our overall wellbeing; our overall shalom.
这就是为什么关系和煦是我们整体福祉的一个关键方面。
Relational wellbeing
关系和煦
In the creation story of Gen 2, after proclaiming again and again that everything is good, God makes an amazing statement:
在创世记 2 章的创造故事中，在一次又一次地宣告一切都好之后，上帝发表了惊人的声明：
Yahweh God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone.’ Genesis 2:18
耶和华 神说：「那人独居不好，」创世记 2：18
What wasn’t good in the perfect creation, was that the man was alone. Of course, in the context of Gen 2, it is introducing the creation of the woman and the institution of marriage. But marriage isn’t the only answer to man’s aloneness. God has created us for relationships and community in many forms –families, friendships, and marriage.
What this means is that loneliness is the opposite of the relational wellbeing that God intends for us.
Recently I came across a website addressing the issue of loneliness in NZ. Here’s part of what it said:
在上帝完美的创造中美中不足的是：那个人是孤独的。当然，在创世记 2 章中，介绍了女性的创造和婚姻制度。但婚姻并不是男人孤独的唯一解决方案。上帝创造了我们以多种形式建立关系和社区——家庭、友谊和婚姻。
这意味着孤独与上帝为我们准备的关系和煦相反。最近，我偶然发现了一个解决新西兰孤独问题的网站。以下是它的部分内容：
Loneliness is an emotional state that arises from not having the desired sufficient meaningful connections with others. Loneliness is a serious problem in New Zealand. In the past four weeks more than 650,000 Kiwis have felt lonely. Loneliness.org.nz
孤独是一种情绪状态，源于与他人没有足够的有意义的联系。在新西兰，孤独是一个严重的问题。在过去的四个星期里，超过 65 万新西兰人感到过孤独。Loneliness.org.nz
That statistic blew my mind. Well over half a million kiwis felt lonely at some point in the last month. And that’s not great considering we were created for relationships.
So in the midst of a loneliness pandemic, how do we find and nurture relational wellbeing?
One option for this morning, was that I could have focused on fixing broken relationships – what we need to do when friendships fail, and how to pursue forgiveness and reconciliation when things go wrong. And the biblical teaching on that can be valuable. But instead, I want to focus on the positive side of the coin – how we can grow and strengthen the relationships and friendships in our lives.
这个数据让我大吃一惊。在上个月的某个时候，超过 50 万新西兰人感到过孤独。考虑到我们是为人际关系而生的，这并不是很好。
因此，在孤独感大流行中，我们如何找到并培养关系和煦？
我们今天的一个选择是：可以专注于修复破裂的关系——当友谊失败时我们需要做什么，以及当出现问题时如何寻求宽恕与和解。圣经对此的教导可能很有价值。但相反，我想专注的是积极的一面——我们如何在生活中发展和加强人际关系和友谊。
Foster the friendships we were created for
培养我们为之建立的友谊
Friendships are a gift from God to us, and we need to do everything we can to foster and grow deep friendships in our lives. I love this comment from the author of “The Message”, Eugene Peterson:
友谊是上帝给我们的礼物，我们需要尽我们所能在生活中培养和发展深厚的友谊。我喜欢《信息本圣经》（“The Message”）的作者 尤金毕德生（Eugene Peterson） 的评论：
Friendship is a much underestimated aspect of spirituality. It’s every bit as significant as prayer and fasting. Like the sacramental use of water and bread and wine, friendship takes what’s common in human experience and turns it into something holy. Eugene Peterson
友谊是灵性的一个被大大低估的方面。它与祈祷和禁食一样重要。就像对水、面包和酒的圣礼使用一样，友谊将人类经验中常见的东西转化为神圣的东西。尤金毕德生
In other words, what Peterson is saying is that relational wellbeing is a hugely important part of shalom, of wholeness, in our lives. Developing great marriages, families and friendships is profoundly spiritual.
换句话说，毕德生所说的是，关系和煦是我们生活中整体福祉的一个非常重要的部分。发展美好的婚姻、家庭和友谊是非常属灵的。
Foster the friendships we were created for
培养我们为之建立的友谊
So how do we do that? How do we foster and deepen the friendships we have? And how do we find and develop new friendships in our lives?
One of the most amazing and enduring friendships in all of the Bible was between the future King David, and the man that he would ultimately take the throne from, Prince Jonathan, the son of the first king of Israel, Saul.
King Saul had been rejected by God as king for his continual disobedience, but he was still the anointed king of Israel. But the young shepherd boy David had been anointed as the next king by the prophet Samuel, and King Saul soon realised that the conqueror of the giant Goliath was his greatest threat.
So Saul tried to kill David, and spent the next decade or so hunting him down. Meanwhile, Prince Jonathan – who would have been king if it wasn’t for his father’s disobedience – also recognised David as the next king. But rather than jealously siding with his father, he warmly embraced David, endorsed God’s choice of him, and pledged his allegiance and friendship.
One of the stories about their friendship is found in 1 Samuel 23, where Saul has again been hunting David, and it seems as though David’s strength and resolve is running low. And then we read this:
那么我们该怎么做呢？我们如何培养和加深我们之间的友谊？我们如何在生活中找到并发展新的友谊？
整本圣经中最令人惊奇和持久的友谊之一是未来的大卫王和以色列第一位国王扫罗的儿子约拿单王子之间的友谊， 而大卫王最终继承了本该是约拿单的王位。
扫罗王因持续不顺服而被上帝拒绝为王，但他仍然是以色列的受膏君王。但年轻的牧羊男孩大卫被先知撒母耳膏立为下一任国王，扫罗王很快意识到征服巨人歌利亚的大卫是他最大的威胁。
所以扫罗试图杀死大卫，并花了十年左右追捕他。与此同时，约拿单王子——如果不是因为他父亲的不服从，他本来可以成为国王的——也承认大卫是下一任国王。他不但没有嫉妒地站在父亲一边，而是热情地拥抱大卫，支持上帝对他的选择，并宣誓效忠和保持友谊。
关于他们友谊的故事之一是在撒母耳记上 23 章 中记载着的，扫罗再次追捕大卫，大卫的力量和决心似乎正在消退。然后我们读到这个：
While David was at Horesh in the Desert of Ziph, he learned that Saul had come out to take his life.
And Saul’s son Jonathan went to David at Horesh. 1 Samuel 23:15-16a
[5 大卫知道扫罗出来寻索他的命。那时，他住在西弗旷野的树林里； 16 扫罗的儿子约拿单起身
，往那树林里去见大卫，使他倚靠 ] 撒母耳记上 23:15-16a
There’s this brilliant irony in the story, where King Saul is hunting David and can’t find him anywhere, but Jonathan is able to find his friend no problem at all. And this shows the 1st of 4 things that Jonathan does in this story, that I want to suggest can help us foster friendships in life.
故事中有一个绝妙的讽刺是，扫罗王正在追捕大卫，但在任何地方都找不到他，但约拿单完全可以找到他的朋友。这显示了约拿单在这个故事中所做的 4 件事中的第 1 件事，我想建议它可以帮助我们在生活中培养友谊。
1. Jonathan took the initiative (23:15-16a)
1. 约拿单采取了主动
There’s no sense that David sent word to Jonathan, or was crying out for help. Somehow, though,Jonathan just knew that his friend was in one of those crucial moments of need in life, and he took the initiative to reach out to his friend.
For me, this is one of the great qualities of real friends. Friends are willing to make the first move.
大卫向约拿单传话或呼救是不太可能的。然而，不知何故，约拿单就是知道他的朋友正处于生命中需要帮助的关键时刻之一，他主动联系了他的朋友。
对我来说，这是真正朋友的伟大品质之一。朋友愿意迈出第一步。
1. Jonathan took the initiative (23:15-16a)
=> Be willing to make the first move
1. 约拿单采取了主动 =》 愿意迈出第一步
Sometimes we’re not able to do that; sometimes in seasons of great difficulty or hardship, we need someone to take the initiative with us. But we also need to develop this quality; this trait, in our own friendships and relationships. Don’t wait for someone to reach out to you. Don’t sit back and think, “I’ve been the one to initiate coffee the last 3 times – now it’s their turn.” Be willing to make the first move.
When I think of my relational circles, and the key friends and people that God has given me, one of the people that stands out for this in my own life is another Jonathan – JD. JD and I have been mates since we were teenagers. But it’s in the last 20 years or so that God has really cemented that friendship.
And JD is really good at initiating contact, sending a text, checking in. Sometimes I do that too, but often I feel like he’s the one that brings that to the table. And I’m incredibly grateful for that quality in him. The same is true of Robin Byrne, the worship pastor at the East campus. We’ve been mates for years, and he has the same trait of taking the initiative and checking in.
Prince Jonathan does something else in this story, though. Secondly,
有时我们无法做到这一点；有时在困难重重的时刻，我们需要有人主动陪伴。但我们也需要在我们自己的友谊和关系中培养这种品质， 这种特质。不要等待有人联系你。不要坐下来想，“我是过去 3 次主动约咖啡的人——现在轮到他们了。”要愿意迈出第一步。
当我想到我的人际关系圈，以及上帝赐给我的关键朋友和人时，在我自己的生活中脱颖而出的人之一是另一个乔纳森（英文和约拿单一样） - JD。 JD 和我从十几岁开始就是伙伴。但在过去的 20 年左右，上帝才真正巩固了这种友谊。
JD 非常擅长发起联系、发送短信、拜访。有时我也这样做，但我常常觉得他是那个把这些带到桌面上的人。我非常感谢他的这种品质。东校区的敬拜牧师罗宾·伯恩也是如此。我们是多年的伙伴，他有同样的特点，主动联系和拜访。
不过，约拿单王子在这个故事中做了其他事情。第二，
2. Jonathan pointed David to God (23:16b)
2. 约拿单将大卫引向上帝
Look what the passage says about what Jonathan did when he found David; what his purpose was:
看看这段经文是怎么说约拿单找到大卫的；他的目的是什么：
Jonathan went to David at Horesh and helped him to find strength in God. 2 Samuel 23:16
约拿单起身，往那树林里去见大卫，使他倚靠 神得以坚固， 撒母耳记上 23:16
“He helped him find strength in God.” Jonathan seems to have instinctively recognised two things:
1). He couldn’t always be around David to give him the encouragement he might need
2). Even if he was always around, that’s not who David needed to lean on. He needed to lean into God.
As Christians, this is one of the key things we actually bring into our key relationships. We bring Jesus.
“他帮助他在上帝身上找到了力量。”约拿单似乎本能地认识到了两件事：
1）。他不能总是在大卫身边给他可能需要的鼓励
2）。即使他一直在身边，那也不是大卫需要依靠的人。他需要倚靠神。
作为基督徒，这是我们真正带入我们关键关系的关键事物之一。我们把人引向耶稣。
2. Jonathan pointed David to God (23:16b)
=> Bring your faith into the story
2. 约拿单将大卫引向上帝=》把你的信仰带入故事
If we’re going to foster the friendships we were created for, one of the greatest ways we can do that is to help each other find strength in God. This is especially true when your key friendships are with fellow believers in Jesus – we need to bring each other to Jesus; remind each other what we believe. But we can also do this with unbelieving friendships – quietly and naturally talk about our faith and the difference that it makes.
When I think about this quality in my own friendships, I think of our friends Nick and Sarah Field in Wellington. We just stayed with Nick and Sarah this week when we were down for our friend Margaret’s funeral, and this is what Nick and Sarah do – they bring our mutual faith into the story. And not in a boring or super-spiritual way – we had heaps of laughs and fun during our time with them. But they also have this ability to bring Jesus into the story in a way that enriches my life, and many others.
Then the next verse tells us something else that Prince Jonathan did:
如果我们要培养我们为之建立的友谊，我们能做到这一点的最好方法之一就是帮助彼此在上帝身上找到力量。当你的主要友谊是与耶稣的信徒同工时尤其如此——我们需要把彼此带到耶稣面前；互相提醒我们信仰什么。但我们也可以通过这一点来培养与不信耶稣的人的友谊——安静而自然地谈论我们的信仰及其带来的不同。
当我想到我自己的友谊时，我想到了我们在惠灵顿的朋友尼克和莎拉菲尔德。本周，当我们为朋友玛格丽特的葬礼而沮丧时，我们和尼克和莎拉待在一起，这就是尼克和莎拉所做的——他们将我们共同的信仰带入了故事中。而不是以一种无聊或超精神的方式——在我们和他们在一起的时候，我们有很多笑声和乐趣。但他们也有能力以丰富我和其他许多人的生活的方式将耶稣带入其中。
然后下一节经文告诉我们约拿单王子所做的另一件事：
‘Don’t be afraid,’ he said. ‘My father Saul will not lay a hand on you. You shall be king over Israel, and I will be second to you. Even my father Saul knows this.’ 1 Samuel 23:17
对他说：「不要惧怕！我父扫罗的手必不加害于你；你必作以色列的王，我也作你的宰相。这事我父扫罗知道了。撒母耳记上 23:17
The fact that Jonathan has to tell David to not be afraid suggests that perhaps David was becoming afraid. Perhaps he was beginning to fear that his luck was running out; maybe he began to believe the voices in his head that said it was only a matter of time. But Jonathan comes along and brings with him the powerful gift of encouragement.
约拿单不得不告诉大卫不要害怕的事实表明，也许大卫变得害怕了。也许他开始担心自己的好运快要耗尽了；也许他开始相信他脑海中那些说这只是时间问题的声音。但约拿单来了，并带来了有力量的鼓励的礼物。
3. Jonathan spoke affirming words (23:17)
3. 约拿单用肯定的语气说话
Jonathan reminded David of God’s own promises; God’s own words. God wasn’t about to anoint David as the next king of Israel, and then fail to protect him. But David seems to have lost sight of that. But not Jonathan. Jonathan speaks words of life into his friend; he reminds him of the promises and the character of Almighty God. And that’s what we need to do for one another as we foster friendships that contribute to relational wellbeing:
约拿单提醒大卫神的应许；神自己的话。上帝不会膏了大卫为以色列的下一任国王，然后不保护他。但大卫似乎忽略了这一点。但约拿单没有忽略这点。约拿单鼓励他的朋友；他提醒他全能上帝的应许和品格。这就是我们在培养有助于关系和煦的友谊时需要为彼此做的事情：
3. Jonathan spoke affirming words (23:17)
=> Speak words of encouragement
3. 约拿单用肯定的语气说话 =》说鼓励的话
Paul wrote to the church at Thessalonica in the NT:
保罗在新约中写给帖撒罗尼迦的教会的信：
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11
【11 所以，你们该彼此劝慰，互相建立，正如你们素常所行的。】帖撒罗尼迦前书 5 ：11
This is what friends do. And one of the greatest ways we can foster friendships and relational wellbeing is to grow in our ability to verbally encourage and affirm one another.
Some of the greatest people in my life for doing this are my parents, Max and Ruth Carr, and my parentsin-law, Rowland and Elaine Forman. This awesome foursome have continued to speak words of affirmation and encouragement into Rochelle and my lives over the years, understanding that as adult children we still need their encouragement and support. And Rochelle and I are trying to follow that example by not only reciprocating the encouragement back, but also passing it on into the lives of our three adult sons. That’s the power of encouragement.
So, Jonathan took the initiative, pointed David to God, and spoke words of affirmation. Finally,
这就是朋友所做的。我们培养友谊和关系和煦的最好方法之一就是提高我们口头鼓励和肯定彼此的能力。
我生命中这点做的最好的一些人是我的父母 麦克斯和 露丝，以及我的岳父母罗兰和 伊莲。多年来，这个令人敬畏的四人组继续向罗谢尔和我的生活表达肯定和鼓励的话，他们明白，作为成年子女，我们仍然需要他们的鼓励和支持。罗谢尔和我正试图效仿这个例子，不仅回报鼓励，还将其传递给我们三个成年儿子的生活。这就是鼓励的力量。
于是，约拿单主动把大卫引向神，说出肯定的话。最后，
4. Jonathan reaffirmed their friendship (23:18)
4. 约拿单重申了他们的友谊
Here’s how this little story ends in v.18.
这是这个小故事在第 18 节中的结局
The two of them made a covenant before Yahweh. Then Jonathan went home, but David remained at Horesh. 1 Samuel 23:18
【于是二人在耶和华面前立约。大卫仍住在树林里，约拿单回家去了。】撒母耳记上 23：18
The truth is that they had already made a covenant together back in 1 Samuel 18 – a sacred commitment of friendship and support for each other, that for Jonathan included his allegiance to David as the next king. So here they are renewing their covenant. In other words, they are reaffirming their commitment and friendship.
What does that look like in our lives? It means we:
事实是，他们早在撒母耳记上 18 章就已经订立了盟约——这是对彼此的友谊和支持的神圣承诺，对约拿单来说，这包括他将效忠于下一任国王的大卫。所以他们在这里更新他们的盟约。换句话说，他们正在重申他们的承诺和友谊。
这在我们的生活中是什么样子的？这意味着我们：
4. Jonathan reaffirmed their friendship (23:18)
=> Honour and celebrate others
4. 约拿单重申了他们的友谊 =》为他人荣耀和庆祝
What this means is that we take different opportunities to reaffirm our friendship; to say thanks to
someone for what they bring to our lives; to celebrate how our lives are different because they are part of
it. I feel like our good friends Tim and Bronwyn Collins do this – Rochelle and I have been friends with
them for over 25 years, but it feels like every time we’re with them, we feel honoured and cherished by
their love and interest in our lives.
And this part of what a life of wellbeing, a life of shalom, is meant to look like – a life of relational
wholeness, where we foster and encourage and grow the friendships that we all need.
这意味着我们利用不同的机会重申我们的友谊；对某人为我们的生活带来的东西表示感谢；庆祝
我们的生活是如何不同的，因为它们是生活的一部分。我觉得我们的好朋友 提姆 和 布朗温就是
这样做的——我和 罗谢尔 已经和他们成为朋友超过 25 年了，但每次我们和他们在一起时，我们
都因他们对我们的爱和兴趣而感到荣幸和珍惜。
而这部分幸福的生活，一种福祉生活，应该看起来像——一种关系完整的生活，我们培养、鼓励
和发展我们都需要的友谊。
Slide 20 Foster the friendships we were created for [big idea; same as slides 4, 6]
培养我们为之建立的友谊
=> Be willing to make the first move 愿意迈出第一步
=> Bring your faith into the story 将你的信仰带进故事
=> Speak words of encouragement 说鼓励的话
=> Honour and celebrate others 为他人荣耀和庆祝
Foster your friendships. Now the truth is that we can try to do all that, and sometimes, life doesn’t work
like that. Sometimes relationships end; sometimes we fall out with people; sometimes sin gets in the way.
And we need to practice Jesus’ teaching on forgiveness and grace and reconciliation as much as possible.
But we also need to recognise that not all friendships last a lifetime. That’s often what we want, what we
expect – but that’s probably not realistic. Recently I read an article that talked about three kinds of
genuine friendships in our lives – all of them good, all of them life-giving:
培养你的友谊。现在的事实是，我们可以尝试做这一切，但有时，生活并非如此。有时关系会结束；有时我们会和人闹翻；有时罪会挡路。我们需要尽可能多地实践耶稣关于宽恕、恩典与和解的教导。
但我们也需要认识到，并非所有的友谊都能持续一生。这通常是我们想要的，我们期望的——但这可能是不现实的。最近我读到一篇文章，谈到了我们生活中三种真正的友谊——它们都很好，都赋予生命：
1. Some friendships are circumstantial –depend on the circumstances. Work together; in same sports team; kids attend the same schools. Can have great friendships, but when circumstances change, finish.
2. Some friendships are multi-seasonal – they last longer than just a single season of life. We may do life with certain people far beyond the initial circumstances. We connect together, and the bonds grow stronger that what originally brought us together. But even then, you can still sometimes drift apart after years or even decades.
3. A few friendships are life-long – these are the ones that genuinely seem to last and go distance.
But this is actually more rare than might expect. But when happens, embrace it.
1. 有些友谊是一时的——视情况而定。一起工作;在同一个运动队；孩子上同一所学校。可以有很好的友谊，但当情况发生变化时，结束。
2. 有些友谊是多季节的——它们比生命中的一个单一季节持续的时间更长。我们可能会与某些人一起生活，远远超出最初的情况。我们联系在一起，这种联系比最初把我们联系在一起的联系更加紧密。但即便如此，几年甚至几十年后，你们有时仍会分道扬镳。
3. 一些友谊是终生的——这些友谊似乎真的能持续很久。
但这实际上比预期的要罕见。但当发生时，拥抱它。
Point of the article is that all three of these friendships can be valuable, sustaining, and life-giving.
But we often have unrealistic expectations that every relationship, every friendship, will be life-long.
But it doesn’t have to be to contribute to our wellbeing.
So maybe we should be less concerned about how long some friendships last, and be more concerned about fostering the relationships we have in this season of life. If they last a life-time – great!! If they last just for a season, or for a few – then it’s still great. Because this is part of what we were created for – relational wellbeing with one another.
这篇文章的重点是，所有这三种友谊都可以是有价值的、维持的和赋予生命的。
但我们常常抱有不切实际的期望，即期望每段关系、每段友谊都会是终生的。
但这不一定是为我们的福祉做出贡献的。
所以也许我们应该少关心一些友谊能持续多久，而更关心在这个生命的一段时间里培养我们之间的关系。如果它们能持续一生——太好了！！如果它们只持续一段时间，或者几段时间——那么它仍然很棒。因为这是我们为之而生的一部分——彼此之间的关系和煦。
Foster the friendships we were created for.
As part of this wellbeing series, we are having a panel at the end of each message to flesh out a little bit more what’s been discussed.
So would you join in welcoming to the stage Tsitsi Kavumbura & Mohan Herath
培养我们的友谊。
作为这个福祉系列的一部分，我们在每次主日信息的末尾都有一个小组，以回顾并讨论本次主日信息的内容。
那么你愿意加入 Tsitsi Kavumbura 和 Mohan Herath 吗？
