绳缆的教训
I grew up in a lovely town 6 hours south of Auckland called Havelock North. Outside our kitchen window, we could see a special Maunga – Te Mata Peak. Within that peak are beautiful redwood trees. These trees are less than 100 years old – but redwood trees can actually have a lifespan of over 2500 thousand years – which is the estimated age of this one here in California known as General Sherman. This one is 85 metres tall and 8 metres in diameter. Some have been known to reach the height of a 37 story skyscraper.
我在奥克兰以南 6 小时车程的一个可爱小镇哈夫洛克北部长大。在我们厨房的窗户外面，我们可以望到特别的山峰Maunga – Te Mata Peak。那座山峰内有一片美丽的红衫树林。这些树还不到 100 岁 - 但红杉树的寿命实际上可以超过 250 万年 – 人们所估计的这棵名为“加利福尼亚的谢尔曼将军”的年龄。它高85米，直径8米。据称，有些红杉树可以达到 37 层摩天大楼的高度。
哈夫洛克北部红杉树 / Redwoods in Havelock North
加利福尼亚的谢尔曼将军 / The General Sherman
You would think that something that tall must have an incredibly deep root system. But, these redwood trees have a unique root system that is relatively shallow. There is no tap root to anchor them deep into the earth. The roots actually only go down 6-12 feet. So, how can something that tall withstand strong winds, earthquakes, fires, storms, and prolonged flooding – that comes their way – and that helps them stay standing – as they’re renowned to do in such times. The answer is found in their root system. Their roots intertwine with the other redwood trees. Effectively, they are holding each other up. The trees grow very close together and depend on each other for nutrients.
你会认为这么高的树木一定有一个非常深的根系。但是，这些红杉树却很特别，它们的根系相对较浅。它们没有主根可以将它们锚定在地球深处。实际上，它们的根部只有了 6-12 英尺深。试想一下，这些高大的树木依靠什么才能经受住强风、地震、火灾、风暴和长时间的洪水——红杉树有它们自己的解决方法，可以让它们享有可以在各种极端环境里屹立不倒的盛名。答案可以在它们的根系中找到。它们的根与其他红杉树交织在一起。实际上，他们互相支持。红杉树生长得非常紧密，相互依赖以获取营养。
Why am I talking about redwoods? Well, I think it's a beautiful image here about friendship.
Redwoods aren’t designed to grow by themselves. What gives these trees their strength is the interlocked support of other trees. They have learnt to grow together. This is what we read about in Ecclesiastes. Throughout this book, the Quester – as we’ve come to call the author of this book Ecclesiastes – has emphasised that life is not always clean and tidy. This pandemic reminds us of that. It’s unpredictable. The quester is not satisfied with the past answers and platitudes that have been given in the past. He’s honest about what happens in real life.
红杉在告诉我们什么？嗯，我认为这是关于友谊的美丽形象。
红杉被造就不是要独自生长的。赋予这些树木力量的是其他树木的互锁支撑。他们已经学会了共同成长。这就是我们在传道书中读到的。在整卷书中，传道者——我们这样来称呼这位传道书的作者——一直强调人生并不总是纯洁而美好的。全球疫情也提醒我们这一点。人生是不可预测的。传道者对以往那些敷衍了事的回答和陈词滥调式的答案并不满意，他诚实地检视着人生的真实面貌。
Remember, his summary we saw at the very beginning: “I’ve seen it all and it’s nothing but smoke—smoke, and spitting into the wind. Life’s a corkscrew that can’t be straightened, a minus that won’t add up.” (Ecclesiastes 1:14-15) If that’s the case, how should we live in a world of futility and frustration? He’s told us about our need to adjust our expectations. The way we need to change our attitude. The way we need to embrace the joy in the simple things in front of us.
Today, we come to this idea of friendship. If we’re going to survive the things that life throws at us – the ill health, the disappointments, the pandemics, the terrors, the flooding – we need to ask ‘what is it that will help me stand?’ Chapter 4 gives us an answer with 5 powerful words: “Two are better than one.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9)
记得吗，我们一开始就看到他是如此总结的——我见日光之下所做的一切事都是虚空，都是捕风。 弯曲的不能变直，缺少的不能足数。(传道书 1:14-15) 如果是这样，我们该如何生活在一个充满徒劳和沮丧的世界里？他告诉我们需要调整我们的期望。我们需要改变我们的态度。我们需要学会在面前的简单小事中拥抱神所赐下的喜乐。
今天，我们来谈谈友谊。如果我们要在生活向我们抛来的这一切中幸存下来——糟糕的健康状况、失望、全球疫情、恐怖袭击、洪水——我们需要问“什么能在这些患难来临时帮助我站稳脚跟？” 第 4 章用中，5 个有力的词给了我们答案：”两个人总比一个人好。” (传道书 4:9)
It’s this picture of friendship. A picture of interweaving your life with someone else to help you better stand in this fragile world. And this verse is like a hinge comparing two portraits of people who are alone versus a portrait of someone interlocking their life with someone else. As you can see, I have three frames here. They’re empty – because I want us to allow the quester – to fill in the picture of these people through what he says.
这就是友谊的画面。一幅“你的生活与他人的生活交织在一起，帮助你更好地立足在这个脆弱的世界中”的画面。这节经文就像一个合叶，合叶两边比较了两幅画像，一张是一个孤独的人的肖像，另一张是一个与其他人紧紧相连着生活的人的肖像。如您所见，我这里有三个画框。它们都是空的——因为我想让传道者——通过他所说的来填充这些人的画面。
PORTRAIT ONE is a picture of oppression; a victim.
The Quester says: “Again, I observed all the oppression that takes place under the sun. I saw the tears of the oppressed, with no one to comfort them. The oppressors have great power, and their victims are helpless.” (Ecclesiastes 4:1)
Do you mentally see the picture he is describing – the picture of a victim with tears streaming down his/her face, eyes full of fear? But he says, ‘there is no one to help…There is no one to wipe the tears away. No one to relieve the anxiety. No one to protect them or comfort them.’ He actually concludes – it would be better if someone wasn’t even born and be spared the misery of seeing cruel injustice. Let alone experiencing the cruel injustice. Way too much of life now – as it was then – is full of this oppression. What makes it worse is that many victims go through it alone.
That’s picture number one. Then, he adds another portrait:
肖像一：是一幅压迫的图画；受害者。
传道者说：”我又转念 ，见日光之下所行的一切欺压 。看哪，受欺压的流泪，且无人安慰；欺压他们的有势力，也无人安慰他们。(传道书 4:1)
你有没有在脑海中看到他所描述的画面——一个受害者泪流满面、眼中充满恐惧的画? 但他说，”没有人可以帮助......没有人来擦去他们的眼泪。没有人来缓解焦虑。没有人来保护他们或安慰他们。” 事实上，他得出的结论是——这人甚至没有出生才好，那么他就能免于目睹这残酷的不公不义之痛苦，更不用说亲身经历这残酷的不公不义了。现在太多的生活——就像当时一样——充满了这种压迫。更糟糕的是，许多受害者独自经历了这一切。
那是图一。然后，他补充了另一幅肖像：
PORTRAIT TWO – is a picture of a workaholic.
“Again I saw something futile [hebel] under the sun:” (Ecclesiastes 4:7) Remember, hevel is the word the Quester uses throughout this book, to sum up, what he sees in life. It can be defined as the smoke that slips through our fingers – promising something of substance but not living up to the hype.
What’s hevel about this picture? “There was a man all alone; he had neither son nor brother. There was no end to his toil, yet his eyes were not content with his wealth. (Ecclesiastes 4:8) Can you mentally see the picture he is describing here? This guy is very successful. He’s rich in wealth but poor in relationships. He has a beautiful table – but no one with which to share and enjoy what’s on that table. He can pay for the best adventures – but he has no time for it and nobody to go with him. We might ask ‘why is there no end to his toil?’ Why does he work so hard?’
We hear the answer - “because his eyes were not content with his wealth.” Just 4 verses earlier the quester has observed the same thing: “I observed that most people are motivated to success because they envy their neighbours. But this, too, is futile [hebel]—like chasing the wind. (Ecclesiastes 4:4) He’s like ‘what’s the point?’ If your goal is more, more doesn’t have a finish line. More is something that dissipates through your fingers. Once you get more, you want more. Then more. And more. There is no substance to it.
肖像二 – 一张工作狂的照片。
”我又转念 ，见日光之下有一件虚空的事[hebel]:” (传道书 4:7) 请记住，传道者在整卷书中使用 hevel 这个词来总结他在生活中所见。它可以被定义为从我们指缝间溜走的烟雾——看似有实体，却是无法抓住的虚空。
这幅图和虚空hevel有什么关联呢？”有人孤单无二，无子无兄，竟劳碌不息，眼目也不以钱财为足。他说：我劳劳碌碌，刻苦自己，不享福乐，到底是为谁呢？这也是虚空，是极重的劳苦。(传道书 4:8) 你能在脑海里看到他在这里描述的画面吗？ 这个人非常成功。他家财万贯，但人际关系很糟糕。他有一张漂亮的桌子——但没有人可以与他分享并享受这桌子上的。他可以负担得起最棒的冒险——但他没有时间去，也没有人陪他一起去。我们可能会问“为什么他的辛劳没有尽头？”他为什么这么努力？”
我们听到了答案——“因为他的眼睛不满足于他的财富。” 就在 4 节之前，传道者观察到了同样的事情：”我又见人的一切劳碌和成就原是出于争强好胜。 这也是虚空，也是捕风 。(传道书 4:4) 他就像在问“这一切有什么意义呢？” 如果你的目标是“更多”，“更多”就永远没有终点线。“更多”就像是你手指抓不住的烟雾。一旦你得到更多，你就会想要更多。然后更多。和更多。它就像烟雾一样不可捉摸。
This guy is chasing after something he’s never going to catch. So, why would this workaholic live like this? This is the question this guy asks. But then he asks himself, “Who am I working for? Why am I giving up so much pleasure now?” This too is futile [hebel]—a miserable business! (Ecclesiastes 4:8)
Sometimes we say ‘I’m working these crazy hours for my family.’ But we’ve already heard that this workaholic has no family. So that argument doesn’t stack up here. And let’s be honest for those of us with families - many times it’s just an excuse we give to people around us. I picture the workaholic getting home late – another dinner on the run by himself in front of the TV. He heads out to the garage to take the rubbish out. He glances over to see his golf bag – when was the last time I was out enjoying golf with friends- not as part of a sales pitch. When did I last get out on that jet ski? And those snow skis? ‘I’ve got all this stuff – but no one to enjoy it with.’
Remember the Quester is writing as if he were Solomon. We know that Solomon was super wealthy. “Each year Solomon received about 25 tons of gold. This did not include the additional revenue he received from merchants and traders.” (2 Chronicles 9:13)
25 tons of gold each year! How much is a ton of gold worth – some of you are saying, ‘it’s been a while since I exchanged that?’ So, I asked Siri just before. She said $81 million NZ dollars. That’s one ton but it says Solomon had 25 tons: 81 million x 25 = 2 billion 25 million x 40
That’s a lot!
这个人正在追逐他永远抓不住的东西。那么，这个工作狂为什么要这样生活呢？这个人这样发问。但随后他问自己：”我劳劳碌碌，刻苦自己，不享福乐，到底是为谁呢？这也是虚空，是极重的劳苦。” (传道书 4:8)
我们可能会说“我之所以疯狂的加班，是为了我的家人。”但我们已经听说了，这个工作狂没有家人。所以这个论点在这里不成立。说句实话，对于我们这些有家的人来说——很多时候这也只是我们给身边人的托词。我想象着这个工作狂回家晚了——他又在电视机前匆匆忙忙地吃完了一个人的晚餐。他去车库把垃圾倒掉。他瞥了一眼他的高尔夫球袋——我最后一次不是为了工作应酬而是和朋友一起出去打高尔夫球是什么时候？我上次出去玩水上摩托是什么时候？还有那些滑雪板？ “我拥有所有这些东西——但却没可以和我一起享受的朋友。”
记得哦传道者这样写，就好像他是所罗门本人一样。我们知道所罗门非常富有。”所罗门每年收到大约 25 吨黄金。这还不包括他从商人和贸易商那里获得的额外收入。” (历代志下 9:13)
每年25吨黄金！一吨黄金值多少钱——你们中的一些人会说，“我已经有一段时间没有用黄金交易了？” 所以，我之前问过Siri。她说一吨黄金约合8100万新西兰元。那是一吨，但所罗门有 25 吨: 8100 万 x 25 = 20 亿 2500 万
好多啊！
But, it says he got this each year. This is just the gold. So, let’s multiply it by 40 years of his reign. 2 billion 25 million by 40. So, we’re talking serious cash. This is the reflection of a trillionaire – who is asking himself ‘what’s the point of all this because I have no real friends to enjoy it with?’ You go, “what could be better than trillions of dollars?”
The Quester says: “Two people are better than one.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9) There is something better. This leads us to this third portrait. This third portrait is a picture of friendship.
但是，它说他每年都会得到这么多。只是黄金一项就有这么多。所以，让我们乘以他在位的 40 年。 20 亿 2500 万 乘以40。所以，我们在说很多很多的钱。这是一个万亿富翁的反思——他问自己“这一切有什么意义，我都没有真正的朋友可以和我一同享受这些？” 你一定会说 - 有什么能比数万亿美元更好？
传道者说: “两个人胜过一个人” (传道书 4:9) 确实有比这更好的。让我们看向第三幅肖像。第三张肖像是友谊的图画。
Portrait three is a picture of friendship. So far we've seen two pictures of relational poverty: life alone. Whether it’s the victim of oppression who has no one to help. Or the workaholic who is financially rich but relationally poor. The link for both is that they are alone. The quester argues his point … “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9)
Then, it’s like he gives us various snapshots of a person’s life and the way having friends helps them navigate through the various hazards we might face.
Hazard # 1 – we fall into life’s ‘potholes’
”If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.” (Ecclesiastes 4:10) This is at a time when there are no vehicles. To get from point A to point B – you walked. It might be late at night. So, you might stumble. In this book, the quester has been saying ‘Life is uncertain. Sure, it might be going well – but you don’t know when the next pothole in life is. At some point, you are going to face-plant.’ As he observes people around him who do better in life – it is people who are together.
The question is: Who are you travelling with? If any of them took a fall, would you be there for them? Would someone be there for you?
肖像三：是友谊的照片。到目前为止，我们已经看到了两张社会性贫困的图景：独自生活-- 无论是无人帮助的受压迫者； 还是经济上富裕但人际关系贫乏的工作狂。这两者的共同点是，他们都是单独的。传道者阐述了他的观点…… “两个人总比一个人好，因为二人劳碌同得美好的果效。(传道书 4:9)
就仿佛是他给我们提供了人生中的各种场景快照，以及朋友们是如何在这些场景里帮助我们渡过生活危机的各种图像。
危险#1——我们会掉进人生“坑洼”
”若是跌倒，这人可以扶起他的同伴；若是孤身跌倒，没有别人扶起他来，这人就有祸了。(传道书 4:10) 这段圣经描述的时期是没有车辆的，为了从 A 点到达 B 点——你只能走路。可能是深夜。所以，你可能会绊倒。在这卷书中，传道者一直在说‘生命是不确定的。当然，它可能进展顺利——但你不知道生活中的下一个坑是什么时候。在某个时候，你可能会摔个狗啃泥。”当他观察周围哪些人生活的更好的时候，他发现是那些有朋友同行的人。
问题是：你和谁一起同行？如果他们中的任何一个摔倒了——你会在他们身边吗？有人会在你身边吗？
Hazard #2 – we are frozen in the chilling seasons of life
”Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone?” (Ecclesiastes 4:11) At that time, you might be out in the desert. You have no sleeping bag or tent. The way you survived was by sharing body heat with another. The quester says – people who are able to interlock their lives with someone else when things get chilly – are able to survive the changing seasons.
The question is: Are you there for others when their season changes? Do you have people who are there for you when your season changes?
Then, he looks at another hazard – another mini-picture:
危险#2——我们在人生的寒冷季节被冻僵了
”再者，二人同睡就都暖和，一人独睡怎能暖和呢？” (传道书4:11) 那时，你可能身处沙漠之中。你没有睡袋或帐篷。你幸存下来的方式是与另一个人分享体温。传道者说——当天气变冷时，能够与其他人一起生活的人——能够在不断变化的季节中生存下来。
问题是：当其他人的季节变化时，你在他们身边吗？当你的季节变化时，有人在你身边吗？
然后，他看到另一个危机——另一个小图：
Hazard # 3 – we are vulnerable by ourselves
”A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer.” (Ecclesiastes 4:12) If you’re out there walking from point A to point B – you stand a greater risk of getting attacked when you are by yourself than if you are in a group of 2 or more. The Quester observes that people who do life well amidst the futility ‘don’t travel alone.’ They have friends around them.
The thing about all of the hazards is that you don’t see any of these three coming.
You don’t know the pothole around the corner.
You can’t always anticipate the changing seasons.
You don’t know the danger that is lurking in the shadows.
Throughout this book, the Quester talks about how futile and fragile life is -
There are health challenges.
The broken engagement.
Child 1 was harder than you thought it would be.
Child 2 was even harder. Yes, there are two of you – maybe you don’t have parents around.
Or maybe you’re a single parent
Or it’s just you in your bubble.
Job loss.
Lockdowns.
How will my business survive?
As he looks at who does better than others amidst the futility, it’s the people who are not by themselves. His summary: “Two people are better off than one… Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9,12)
危险#3—我们各自独立是很脆弱的。
”遭遇攻击时，孤身一人不能抵挡而失败，但二人背靠背互为防卫就能胜过。” (传道书4：12) 假如你从A点走到B点——你独自一人将会面临更大的被攻击的危险，而若有两个人或更多的人一起同行的话风险就小。传道者观察到，在充满徒劳的人生中能过得很好的人通常不会做“独行侠”。他们通常有朋友环绕身旁。
以上所有这些危险的原因就是，以下这三样事情通常你是没有办法看见的：
你不知道前方转角处有一个坑儿
你无法预知到季节的变换
你不晓得阴影处有危险正在潜伏
整卷书中，传道者谈到了人生是如何的徒劳并且脆弱——
健康危机
遭遇盟约背弃
老大比你想象中的要难对付
老二更难。虽然，你们是两个人一起面对——也许你们没有父母在身边可以提供帮助
或者你可能是单亲父母
或者在你的泡泡里孑然一身
失业
封城
我的生意怎样才能在这恶劣的环境中存活下来呢？
传道者一边观察在这虚空徒劳之中那些过得更好的人，他们都不是孤身奋斗的，于是他总结道, “两个人总比一个人好……三人同行更加好，因为三股合成的绳子不容易被折断。” (传道书4：9，12)
I love this new image of rope. A piece of string doesn't take too much to snap. But, when you braid this string, it’s not easily snapped. This is why we need friends. We’re stronger together. The quester is seeking to move from me to we in order to survive and thrive.
To put it another way: Alone, I am string. Together, we are rope. When I get slammed by an aspect of life, I am able to survive and even thrive when I am weaved in friendship with others. Māori have a beautiful Whakataukī to describe this: “Whakapūpūtia mai ō mānuka kia kore ai e whati / Cluster the branches of the mānuka so they will not break”
A branch by itself is pretty strong but can still snap. Cluster branches together – it’s super strong.
我太喜欢这个绳索的图像了。一根细线不费吹灰之力就能弄断了。然而，在经过编织缠绞之后，要弄断它就不是那么容易了。这就是朋友的意义。当我们在一起，我们就会变得更加强大。传道者试图要动员大家从我成为我们，以使我们存活并兴盛。
换言之：独自一人，我是一根细线。在一起，我们就是强有力的缆绳。当生活向我发起某一方面的猛攻时——我能够存活下来，甚至能兴盛发达，都得益于我和他人所建立起来的深厚的友情。毛利文化中对此有一首美丽的小诗描述如下 “将麦努卡的枝条捆束在一起，他们就难以被折断。”
一个枝条纵然坚固非常，仍然会被折断。枝条缠绕捆绑在一起后，就会变得无比坚固。
There is great strength in togetherness. Alone I am a twig. Together, we will not break. If you’re familiar with the story of the Bible – you might think of strong leaders like the apostle Paul. It’s easy to see him as a strong towering redwood tree thriving out in a forest of life by himself. That misunderstands the friends Paul had around him. The roots and foundations of his life were interwoven with friends. In fact, at the end of one of his letters we know as 2 Timothy, he calls on friends to come and help him. At the time Paul was under house arrest in Rome. He is in lockdown. He is tired, cold, and discouraged. So, he writes to friends – being vulnerable about his need and asking them to come and help him.
团结力量大。我是一根小嫩枝，小嫩枝团结在一起，我们就不会被折断。如果你很熟悉圣经故事——也许你能想到一些强人领袖比如使徒保罗。在人群中他就像那强壮参天的红衫木一样格外引人注目。这样的认识并不完全，事实上保罗的身边环绕着一群非常忠实的朋友。保罗的生命深深地与这群朋友彼此联结，且从中深深地汲取滋养并得以被建造，被坚固。在提摩太后书这一封我们所知的书信的结尾，保罗呼吁朋友们到他这里来，帮助他。那是，保罗正在罗马，身处软禁之中。他亦深陷封锁之中，他很疲惫，衣衫单薄地抵御着寒冷，也很沮丧。于是，他写信给朋友们——这一切的需要都使他如此的软弱，他恳求朋友们前来帮助。
Some of you might think ‘I don’t need anybody.’ Perhaps you’re the type of person who gives a helping hand to others and finds it hard to receive help. You want to look like you have it all together, and don’t want to place burdens on others. At least that’s what you tell yourself. You might be willing to pray for others, but not receive prayer. Someone asks YOU what they can pray for– and you’re ‘I don’t need prayer for anything’ In your mind, it’s a sign of weakness. But, when did needing prayer become a sign of weakness? That’s what I love about the apostle Paul. He’s a strong and effective leader. But, he knows that he needs friends to gather around him and cheer him on and pray for him. He is not afraid to ask for help from these friends.
This week, I let people know of some needs I have. I’ve been experiencing ongoing back pain for 7 months now and it got worse in lockdown. I’ve also been waking up some nights with some anxiety – something I face from time to time. I took my cues from the apostle Paul asking for his friends to pray for him and help him.
Healthy people say things like ‘I need you.’ ‘Can you pray for me?’
你们当中一些人也许会想“我不需要任何人。” 也许你是那种很乐意四处帮助人，却难以接受别人帮助的那种人。你总想让自己看起来什么都很好，你也不愿将重担加在旁人身上。最起码你是这样说服自己的。你可能很乐意为别人祷告——但却不能接受别人为你代祷。有人问你“有什么能为你祷告的吗”——你会说“不不不，我没有什么事需要代祷”你觉得这是一种软弱的标志。然而，从什么时候开始需要别人的代祷变成一项软弱的标志了呢？这也是我深爱使徒保罗的一点。他是一名强大高效的领袖。但是，他深知他需要朋友们在身边，给他加油打气，为他代祷。他并不害怕请求朋友帮助。
这个星期，我让大家知道了一些我个人的需要……过去的7个月我一直受到脊柱疼痛的困扰，封城以来情况变得更加糟糕了。有好多个晚上我都无法入睡，并且伴有一定程度的焦虑，这也是我时不时就会有的。我告诉大家这些正是受到保罗的启发，在困难中他呼求朋友们来帮助他，为他代祷。
健康人会说“我需要你”，“你能为我祷告吗？”
Paul was no massive redwood without the support of his friends who supported and encouraged him. By himself he was string. With others, he was rope.
What does it look like to adjust the way we live so that our lives would be more described as rope rather than string?
#1 Realize the value of having friends in YOUR life.
What the Quester is observing is what many have observed about Western society. Did you realise, for instance, that loneliness is described as the fastest-growing public health crisis? That’s the conclusion of the ex-surgeon-general of the USA. Listen to what he wrote in the Harvard Business Review: “During my years caring for patients, the most common pathology I saw was not heart disease or diabetes; it was loneliness.” (Vivek Murthy)
He explains: “The elderly man who came to our hospital every few weeks seeking relief from chronic pain was also looking for human connection: He was lonely. The middle-aged woman battling advanced HIV had no one to call to inform that she was sick: She was lonely too. I found that loneliness was often in the background of clinical illness, contributing to disease and making it harder for patients to cope and heal.” “Loneliness is associated with a greater risk of cardiovascular disease, dementia, depression and anxiety.” (Vivek Murthy)
假如没有朋友的支持和鼓励，保罗不会成为那高大强壮的红衫树。他孤身一身就如一根细线。有了朋友帮助的保罗则成为一根缆绳。
假如我们调整一下我们的生活方式，好使我们成为一根缆绳，而不是一根线，那将会是怎么样的呢？
#1 认识人生中友情的宝贵和价值
传道者所观察到的也是许多人在西方社会所观察到的。你知道吗——例如说——孤独感正是增长最快速的公共健康危机？这是美国前卫生局局长Vivek Murthy研究得出的结论。听一听他在《哈佛商业评论》当中所论述的一段：“在我的临床治疗中，我见到最为普遍的病症不是心脏病或糖尿病，而是孤独症。”
他补充说明道：“ 一些年长的男性每隔几周来我们医院寻求缓解慢性疼痛，他们同时也在寻找人际关系：他很孤独。这位与晚期艾滋病病毒作斗争的中年妇女找不到可以打电话的对象，通知对方她生病了：她也很孤独。我发现在这些临床病症的后面，往往都有孤独的因素，孤独会导致疾病并使患者更难应对和治愈疾病。” “孤独的人往往伴有更高的罹患心脑血管疾病、痴呆、抑郁和焦虑的风险”
Vivek Murthy
Along the same lines, a ground-breaking study that Brigham Young University conducted found that: “Weak social connections can shorten a person’s life by 15 years.” (Brigham Young University) That’s a significant factor. 15 years! That's roughly the same impact as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
How many of us can say I have three really good friends I can count on? If you’re honest, you can relate more to one of these first two portraits than the one on friendship:
You might be in need and you feel helpless and vulnerable.
You might be surrounded by people in your job – but you feel alone.
Some of you have invested your time in everything but relationships.
One of the reasons we don’t develop friendships is time. But, the Quester has already gone–for what end? Another reason we don't let people into our lives is that we risk exposure: ‘if you knew me, really, you couldn’t possibly want me near.’ The best of Christian community says ‘I know you and I still want you to be with you.’
同样地，杨百翰大学进行的一项开创性研究发现：”薄弱的社交关系会使人的寿命缩短 15 年” (杨百翰大学) 这是一个十分重要的因素。 15年！这与每天吸 15 支烟的影响大致相同。
我们中有多少人可以说“我有三个非常要好的朋友，是我遇到事儿时可以指望得上的？” 如果你足够诚实，你的情况也许更多地与前两幅肖像中的一幅相似，而不是关于友谊的那一幅：
你可能需要帮助，感到无助和脆弱。
你可能在工作中被许多的人环绕四周 - 但你仍会感到孤独。
你们中的一些人已经把时间投入到所有事情上, 唯独没有时间投入到人际关系上。
我们不愿发展友谊的原因之一是没有时间。然而，传道者对此已经予以否定——那是为了什么缘故？我们不愿让他人进入我们生命的另一个原因是那样会使我们面临一种风险，比如“如果你真的了解我，你绝对不会想要和我接近的” 最理想的基督徒团体宣告说“我认识你，了解你，我仍然想要和你在一起。”
I also realise that one of the hang-ups we all have is that when someone lets us down, we find it hard to trust anybody. Solomon wrote: “A sweet friendship refreshes the soul.” (Proverbs 27:9) We love that. But, Solomon also wrote: “Many will say they are loyal friends, but who can find one who is truly reliable?” (Proverbs 20:6)
We’ve all experienced the breakdown of relationships. But, what many of us do though is that we make the whole world pay for one person’s mistake. We stay isolated because of that experience of someone who let us down; who hurt us. Please don't let that experience stop you from experiencing healthy friendship.
我也明白到另一个使我们拒绝友谊的原因是——这也是我们大家都曾经历过的，当有人让我们感到失望时，我们变得很难再去相信任何人了。所罗门写道：“……甜美的友情使人灵里喜悦” (箴言27：9) 我们都很爱这句经文。但是，所罗门也曾写道：“许多人都说自己是忠实的朋友，然而谁能遇上真正忠信的人呢？” (箴言20：6)
我们都经历过关系破裂。但是，我们中许多人的做法却是让整个世界为一个人的错误付出代价。因为某个人曾经让我们失望了，让我们受伤了，这样的经历使我们甘愿一直停留在孤家寡人的境地，止步不前。请不要让那样的经历阻止你体验真正健康的友谊。
It’s one thing to realize the value of having friends in your life. From there, we need to…
#2 Reflect on the traits of a good friend
A question I want to invite you to answer this week: What are the qualities that make a good friend? Discuss it in your bubble and groups this week. Put some thoughts in the host comments now. My guess is it includes traits like honesty, reliability, someone who has our back, someone we can enjoy hanging out with, someone who makes time for us.
After you’ve reflected on it …
现在我们已经认识到朋友的宝贵价值了，接下来呢，我们需要……
#2 思想好朋友应该具备哪些特质呢
本周我想请你回答一个问题：好朋友都有哪些品格？本周在你的泡泡和小组中讨论一下。现在在主持人评论区中提交一些你的想法。我猜答案会包括诚实、可靠、支持我们的、我们会享受跟他一起出去玩的, 为我们腾出时间的人。
在你好好思想以后呢……
#3: Be a good friend!
Rather than focus on a lack of trustworthy people out there, perhaps put that energy into asking ‘Am I a good friend? Where can I grow in these traits that make a good friend?’
Our first instinct might be: Where do I get these friends? You can’t buy them on Amazon. You can’t go to the mall and purchase them when the malls reopen. It’s hard to make friends when you're in your 40s. It’s hard to do it in high school. It’s hard to do when you’re retired. Getting new friends is difficult. But we all have people in our lives somewhere. It might be on social media. It might be a neighbour, colleague or fellow student, a person at the gym, someone else from church.
What does it look like to be more intentional with the friends you already have?
Can people count on me? Can my family, my spouse, my colleagues, count on me to be there when they need me to be? Solomon wrote in Proverbs: “A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity.” (Proverbs 17:17) What if you are born to help them get through their difficult season?
How else do we respond to this?
#3: 成为一个好的朋友吧!
与其苦恼于找不到值得我信赖的人，不如花点精力问问自己“我是一个好的朋友吗？我在哪些方面可以更加成长，好叫我能成为一个益友呢？”
我们的第一直觉反应可能是：我从哪里能找到这些朋友？你不能在亚马逊上买到他们。你也不能等到商场重新开放时，去那里购买到他们。40多岁时的确很难交到朋友。从高中开始就很难了。退休后更难。结交新朋友真的太难了。但是我们生活中总会遇到一些人。可能是在社交媒体上，可能是邻居、同事或同学，健身房的人，教会的人。
对你现有的朋友更加用心将会是怎样的？
他们可以指望我吗？当我的家人、我的配偶、我的同事需要我时，他们可以指望我一直在他们身边吗？所罗门在箴言中写道：”朋友时常相爱，兄弟为患难而生” (箴言17:17) 说不定你就是神所差来帮助他们度过难关的呢？
对此我们还会有别的什么回应？
#4 Grab opportunities to better connect
One of the challenges of a church our size is that we can’t know everyone. We can’t celebrate each birthday or know the names of everyone. What’s more – we’re scattered all over the place. It’s a logistical challenge. That’s why we have a small group structure we call Connect Groups. In a connect group, we bring people together in a way where people who don't know the names of others come together and can form friendships.
It might be 10-12 individuals who are committed for a season of time. For these next 3 weeks, we have some Online Pop-Up Groups that serve as a taster for groups. This is a great way to meet others. For these next three weeks – we want to give you the opportunity to connect in a zoom call and meet others from Gracecity, and discuss some questions from the talk each week.
You don’t even have to be in Auckland to be part of one of these.
Marg who is was hosting earlier will facilitate one of these pop-up groups on Tuesday evenings from 7.30-8.30pm.
John Theakston, our discipleship pastor, will host one Wednesday lunchtime 12-1pm.
There is a form in the host comments right now where you can express your interest. Or, find some details on our Facebook.
像我们这样规模的教会面临的挑战之一，就是我们无法认识每个人。我们无法为每个人庆祝生日或知道每个人的名字。而且——我们还分散在各处。这是一个物流挑战。这就是为什么我们要设立一个叫做 联结小组 的小组架构。在联结小组中，我们将人们聚在一起，让素不相识的人聚在一起并有机会在这儿建立起友谊。
在一段时间内可能有 10 到 12 个人委身于其中。在接下来的 3 周内，我们会推出一些在线聚会的临时小组，大家可以在其中体验一下小组生活是什么样子的。这是一个结识他人的好方法。在接下来的三周内，我们希望让您有机会通过zoom会议与来自 恩典之城 的其他人会面、联结，并就每周讲道中提出的一些问题进行讨论。
您甚至不需要在奥克兰，也可以加入进来成为其中的一员。
玛格 – 早些时候为我们主持的女士 - 将负责帮助一个每周二晚上 7.30 -8.30 的临时小组。
约翰·西克斯顿 (John Theakston)——我们的门徒牧师——将主持一个星期三下午 12 点到 1 点的午餐时段的临时小组。
现在主持人评论区中有一个表格，如您有兴趣可以填写。或者，您也可以在我们的 脸书 网站上找到一些详细信息
Conclusion / 结语
The Quester would say to us: “Don't navigate through this futile world by yourself. Instead, do whatever you need to do to turn superficial relationships into deeper relationships. To pull back on some work involvement to make it possible. To renew your resolve to be a better friend to people already around you.
Whakapūpūtia mai ō mānuka kia kore ai e whati / Cluster the branches of the mānuka so they will not break
Move from me to we in order to survive and thrive. Remember, ‘Alone, I am string. Together, we are rope.’
传道者对我们说：“不要在这个虚空徒劳的世界独自穿越，相反，尽你所能地，把表面肤浅的人际关系改变成为更深层次的生命关系。减少一些工作以使其成为可能。重新立定决心，成为你身边那个人的更好的朋友。
将麦卢卡的树枝聚集在一起，这样它们就不会被折断。
为了生存，为了兴盛，从我转变成我们。记住，‘独自一人，我是细绳。大家一起，我们成了绳缆。
